Being Right, Paying Attention, Involving Your Partner in Questions

by Sheila Finkelstein

As you undoubtedly know, if you’ve been following the last Treasure Your Life Now mailings, next Thursday, July 26th, I will be interviewing Mattison Grey, on her mission for people to be totally paid attention to.

In the beginning pages of THE MOTIVATION MYTH, the book she co-authored, Mattison writes that “attention is in short supply.” She continues, “I believe that attention is the most valuable thing we can ever give another person. Attention is interpersonal gold…. People blossom under attention. They feel good. They feel validated, appreciated, and recognized.”

And, what most of us are doing, in good faith, is not having the effect we expect. As a subscriber to Treasure Your Life Now, I assume you, too, have a commitment to showing love in the ways it will be most completely experienced and felt by the people important to you. This is why I so appreciate Mattison’s having accepted my interview invitation.

To join us on the call and/or receive the recording, simply click REGISTER. Please invite your friends to do so also. Use the same link or refer them to MOTIVATION MYTH CALL INFO.

Regarding “Paying Attention“, I invite you to have fun with today’s photos as you look at them. Are the ducks paying attention? to each other? to something else?

In a somewhat different conversation, in the last issue of Treasure Your Life Now, I promised to answer a question a survery respondent asked, “How to ask questions so he feels more involved?” See RELATIONSHIP TIPS below.

Today’s Photos

lit up whistling duck pair and diving duck

whistling ducks lit up by afternoon sunlight - with diving duck

whistling ducks face opposite directions

The above photos are of Black-Bellied Whistling Ducks in Green Cay Wetlands. They were featured in Picture to Ponder, six and seven years ago.

When I went back to the issue in which I featured the middle photo – Vol 2 – Issue 44 – I discovered it is actually a composite of two photos. I could not decide which one to feature, so with Photoshop I added the diving duck to one of the scenes. The Self-Reflecting Queries in that issue became about choices and compromise when we are indecisive. Conversely the same options can apply to different opinions between two people.

In creating analogies to interpersonal relations, my first thought in the third photo of the Whistling Ducks in duckweed (a healthy plant) was that the ducks were not paying attention to one another. As I was observing the family grouping, show in Vol 3 – Issue 52, another photographer pointed out that they were simply on the alert, protecting their babies, looking for predators.

Today’s Relationship Tips and Queries
Interacting with the photos above we could be labeling the “main characters” with qualities of indifference or disinterest in the partner.

Have you put different interpretations to them? If so, can you create ones that would be more empowering for you if you were in similar relationship situations?

and
In the last issue of Treasure Your Life Now, I promised to answer a question a survey respondent asked, “How to ask questions so he feels more involved?

Were I to be in conversation with the person who asked this, the first things I would check are, “To what kinds of questions are you wanting more involvement?”

“Do you have a particular agenda when asking the questions?” “If so, are you attached to the outcome, wanting it to be a certain way?”

If “yes” to my last two queries, then I invite you to revisit the intentions behind your questioning. Our “position” can definitely be felt by the other person and often result in barriers of resistance being put up by him/her.

Also, in one of the interviews I listened to last week in the Attract Your Soulmate series, the suggestion was made to, “Never ask a man how he feels about something. Rather, ask what he thinks about it.” In general, it was suggested, men are more programmed to how they think, than to how they feel.

On a final note, another thing I heard that will stay with me is that the most important thing a man wants to receive is “respect” and what he most wants in a relationship is to “protect” and support his partner.

So, in asking questions and engaging in conversation, do remember to respect the other person… male or female!

COMMENTS – Please share your experiences, adding them to the COMMENTS below.

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