Clarity in Asking Questions – Connecting in Relationships – Treasure Your Life Now – v8-26

by Sheila Finkelstein

Recently I wrote here that I would answer some of the questions in response to the online survey in which several of you participated. The last question in the short survey was, “If you could ask me any question about relationships what would it be?”

A few of your questions were extra personal and/or need further explanation from you before I can answer effectively. Among those: “Were you relieved when he [my husband] died?” and “Is it right to continue a marriage if one no longer loves one’s husband?”

I would be glad to respond in a complimentary, confidential phone call. If either of these questions was yours, or if you have another, you can simply go to my ONLINE CALENDAR and book a time slot. Note, also, if you haven’t seen the survey, you can still participate by going to SURVEY.

One of the questions asked that intrigued me was, “What image(s) represent long term relationships?” I immediately thought of the various images of light and shadows, sky and various stages of the banana plant growth in Banana Sky DVD. A full life cycle was ultimately revealed.

Today’s Photos represent another possible answer. They were taken with my iPhone held to the small round view opening in a Spirascope [a form of a Kaleidoscope], a “toy” I’ve had around for over 30 years.

That in and of itself is long-term and almost timeless. More images are on the blog.

spirascope imagery

imagery in a spirascope

Spirascope Swirls #4

The photos above are of the exact same interior that has different size and shape plastic pieces at the bottom. The patterns we see are dependent on how the pieces are moved, distributed and reflected in the interior mirrors when the Spirascope is turned.

An added factor is what’s outside the tube in the direction it’s faced. In the upper photo the Spirascope was facing wood. The lower photo was aimed at outside through my patio windows.

Today’s Relationship Tips and Queries
The depth and variety of the possibilities that we see in the Spirascope are analogous to the multitude of dimensions in our relationships. The key factors are to BE and REMAIN OPEN to a variety of answers and perspectives AND to test out the possibilities from different focal points.

When it comes to being in communication and answering questions, the most important thing is to first check out what’s really being asked.

The challenge to the above question being answered, “What image(s) represent long term relationships?” is that I am responding from my perspective of what are “long-term relationships” [husband, family members, friends] have been for me. I see them as “ongoing, evolving, changing, expanding, and transformative.” Others may have totally different definitions and responses.

Thus my answer might be totally unrelated to what was really being asked.

The most effective way to respond to questions is to first get clear. You might ask something to the effect, “Good question. Is there a particular reason you are asking me that?” or, in this case, were I speaking to the person, I might have asked, “When you say ‘long-term relationships’ what do you mean?”

And, I was assuming he or she meant “photo images.” I might even have been off there.

One of the most important things in communication is to Aim for Clarity! This could include pausing in your answers to check, “Does that make sense?” or, “Am I answering your question?”

To some of you all of this might seem quite simplistic and I invite you to check with yourself. Are you, generally, aiming for clarity in understanding what the other person is asking or do you usually communication from your assumption that you KNOW what it is?

Blog Responses Invited –
Please share your experience with these photos and words in the COMMENTS section below.

To Be Answered Next Week – Query response on the Survey: “How to ask questions so he feels more involved?” –

We’ll discuss this further next week. In the meantime, what can you take from today’s discussion that might answer the above?

Important Programs to Check Out –

1 – “He/She Never Listens to Me.” Is this a complaint that you have? On Thursday night , July 26th I will be interviewing Mattison Grey, co-author of THE MOTIVATION MYTH.

She will be giving us the “most simple and elegant way” to deepen communications and expand our “language of listening.” Click on LISTENING for for details and the registration link for this free call.

2 – Whether you’re single, married, in a relationship or not, wanting one or not, I STRONGLY recommend you check out Arielle Ford’s program Attract Your Soulmate Now. There are still four or five more days where you can be listening, at no charge, to upcoming recordings with more than 20 relationship experts.

I am not looking for a soulmate AND I’m finding the interviews very valuable in understanding more about relationships in general. A friend called the other day to tell me how “brilliant” she’d already found that to which she had listened.

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