Languages and Dialects of Love and Communication in Relationships

by Sheila Finkelstein

Today’s post has much “juicy” material for consideration in any of your relationships. As I was reading and writing, I pondered communication between Sam and me during our 47 plus wonderful years together. I was quite surprised at some of the eye-opening insights and answers I got in relation to differences; why I was always looking for words and conversation which often wasn’t his way of expression.

Based on my experience, I strongly recommend that you, too, spend some time reflecting on the principles discussed here. Bookmark the page .

The TREASURE YOUR LIFE NOW focus this week is on “communication.” What could be more important than this? Our lives as humans are pretty much shaped by some form or other of both verbal and non-verbal communication.

Although the illustrations below point to couples, please keep in mind that principles discussed are applicable to any type of relationship with ourselves and anyone else with whom we communicate.

Thanks to one of our subscribers for the subject matter choice. After checking out the link for the Rose Love Tips cards page that was in last week’s TYLN, he wrote and asked what was meant by “Know Your Partner’s Love Language

Know your partner's love language

This tip had been offered by my friend Marifran Korb so I gave her a call. She pointed me to the work of Gary Chapman and The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts. The five languages he cites are:

  • “Words of Affirmation
  • Quality Time
  • Receiving Gifts
  • Acts of Service
  • Physical Touch.”

Note – There is a free assessment tool on the above site which can help you determine your language.

As Marifran and I talked, I was reminded of a story I’d read earlier in the year in Andy Andrews’ enlightening, absorbing and easy-to-read book, The Noticer: Sometimes, all a person needs is perspective. In one chapter Andrews speaks of the “dialects” of communication:

  • “Spoken words of approval
  • Favors and Deeds
  • Physical Contact
  • Quality Time.”

He used the story of a married couple where the wife filed for divorce because she finally gave up on the marriage, certain her husband didn’t love her because he never did any of the chores and things he had surprised and pleased her with when they were first married. Conversely, he was at the point where he was certain she no longer loved him. He had come to this conclusion because she had stopped telling him so.

Both actually still very much loved each other. It was simply, or not so simply, that the dialect of “favors and deeds ” was what demonstrated love to her. He measured love by “spoken words” of approval.

cover image of the Motivation MythLastly, for this issue, we have an upcoming opportunity to learn more about how we used our words in another area of communication.

This week, I also had an eye-opening conversation with Mattison Grey, co-author of The Motivation Myth: Overcoming the limitations of praise, compliments, and appreciation… I am very excited.

Mattison has accepted my invitation to be interviewed on the phone, on a teleconference line, on Thursday night, July 26th at 8:00 PM US Eastern Time. Mark your calendars now!

Mattison will be speaking on The Myth that Compliments, Appreciation and Praise Produce Powerful Results in People. Conversely they often result quite the opposite of what we might hope to accomplish.

In this one hour discussion, including Q&A, Mattison will be revealing the “Most Simple and Elegant Way” that you can Create and Deepen Connections with the people most important to you.

To get more information and register for the call, click on Talk with Mattison.

Today’s Photos Continued –

Sunrise at Daytona Beach, FL

Ocean at sunrise in Daytona Beach, FL

The above two photos, taken during Daytona Beach sunrise, informed me this morning that they wanted to be featured today. Let’s see what you think.

Today’s Relationship Tip and Queries
Looking at the three photos (sunrise and rose at top) in terms of “languages” and “dialects” is there a difference for you, in receiving, between water and sky? Or are you most drawn to the rose image?

If you notice a difference, is there anything in your life and relationships, including with that with yourself, that you can see relevant applicable.

Overall, when it comes to the photography in Treasure Your Life Now, which category, or categories, most speak to you? If you’ve been subscribing for a while please consider your experiences over the years in Picture to Ponder?

Is there a difference for you on the receiving end between flowers, water, reflections, food, or non-Nature pictures?

One respondent to the survey I put out two months ago asked, “What image(s) represent long term relationships?” Given the survey was anonymous, there is no way I can answer directly. Before I do so in another issue of TYLN, I will put the question out to you. You can reply to me directly, or answer on the blog.

(If interested, you too, can respond to the Love With No Regrets, Treasure Your Life Now Relationship Survey at SURVEY. Some people have said that simply being in the questions has made a difference for them.)

Relationship TIP
If you are feeling frustration with communication and behaviors, with yourself and/or your loved one(s), stop and reflect on the “love language” or “dialect” that’s being used.

There may well be a mismatch in styles. If so, the awareness is the first step. The knowing gives each of you the opportunity to make adjustments. You listened.

I invite you to share your experience with these photos and words in the COMMENTS section below.

Any insights from today’s conversations that are presenting you with challenges? If so, I invite you to a 1/2 hour complimentary ReInvent Your Love session with me. You can book one directly on my CALENDAR or go to RYL SESSION for more information.

{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }

MORGINE July 26, 2012 at 6:11 pm

My preferences for photos: I love nature and flowers the most.. which includes water and such.. sprinkled with an occasional food or non food object here and there. These are what I enjoy most of all and which I find soothing and stress releasing, loving and nurturing. Although those are certainly not always the messages you are conveying for that day. 🙂 Sometimes you want us to think outside the box and that might take a different kind of photo!


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